These are two roles we alternate through life, and sometimes take both nearly simultaneously.

I don't mean these in the traditional sense. This has nothing to do with age, it's about a maturity continuum.

I call someone a child when they're impacted by circumstances of any scale. I call someone an adult when they're responsible for having impact on another person.

A child is excited about their upcoming birthday party. An adult makes the cake. A child has a bad day. An adult pushes through and fakes a smile so the child doesn't worry.

Taking either role isn't good or bad, it's a matter of judgment in the moment.

The Adult

A mistake adults make far too often is feeling pressured into the adult role when we're actually the one in need of care, when it would serve us better to admit to struggle and let someone help.

The Child

The other extreme doesn't work either. Are you a special person? Do you think the bad circumstances you're in are someone else's responsibility, and that others are obligated to accommodate you? Maybe you need to grow up.

The Balance

A mature person develops an objective view of reality and switches roles as needed. Reality is hard, but it gets easier through acceptance and understanding.

We all have needs. Circumstances impact all of us. How we react to circumstances can have a massive impact on future circumstances, even though a lot is outside our control. Every person is deeply responsible for the life experience of their neighbor, choosing not to interact with a neighbor is still a choice, the same as choosing to destroy them or invest everything in seeing them prosper.

You can't pick up one end of a stick. You get the whole thing, no matter what. One-ended sticks don't exist. Choosing the role of the child forces the other party into the role of the adult. When someone is able to be the adult, giving them that opportunity can be a gift, the opportunity to serve and care for others is the only true meaning in life.

Healthy adult-to-adult relationships involve regular role-swapping, with both parties aware of each other's needs and capabilities. A dual-child relationship will always escalate.

Every external need you've ever had has cost someone else in a way you'll never fully know, especially since successful care is, by definition, invisible.

Key Takeaways

• Be unreasonably grateful for the adults in your life.
• Let others have the privilege of giving to you. Be a good receiver, respond with gratitude rather than refusing help.
• Get comfortable being uncomfortable. That's how you develop your "adulting" capacity.

So, are you the adult, or the child?